In case I don't get better, don't be too angry with me. I was enraged at the world enough for the both of us. Don't let it eat away at you like I did.
No day will be easy. Good days will come few and far between. You’re going to hang on to the last shred of hope you have until it’s no more than a thread. But there won’t be anything else to grasp on to.
Her fighting back wasn't passion, it was anger.
It was her begging you to make changes, to care more, to do the simple things she needed you for. It was her pleading for you to give it your all before she had no choice. It was her last cry for you.
You are the sun that hugs us on a warm day, and the rain that covers our tears on the ones where we can't hold them back.
The reminder to always say "I love you", but to never waste our peace even on those we love.
You are the reason we all linger a little longer after we say our goodbyes.
The reason we've seen the saddest parts of one another.
You are the reason some of us fell apart and some of us have grown.
The reason that place and day mean so much to us.
I forgive you.
For loving people that make you feel completely unlovable. For trusting people that hurt you beyond anything imaginable. For diving into everything head first and never stopping to question someone's motives.
I want to understand. I want to know in what universe someone as good and loving as you being ripped away is something that is… explainable. Something that can be written off as a choice that was made.
I told myself that you would change, it was a phase, I pushed the wrong buttons. I told myself that I deserved this. That this was because you loved me so much… too much.
I always wanted a love story of my own. And I was desperately trying to find the happily ever after I'd dreamed of, with you. So I chose you.
I used to try and justify all the bad things you did to me. I tried to paint pretty pictures of every bad memory I had involving you, so I could just forget and move on. But those pictures are cracking.
The darkness they once hid is seeping in and tainting a once lively memory. My trees have morphed into creepy figures, casting shadows along a once green landscape. The sunlight I fought so hard to portray has been all but sucked out completely.
But those things make me your friend...
And just because I am yours does not mean you are mine.
I wasn't paying attention to the bad, because that hurt too much. I didn't want to see you for who you really were.
You are my person. You will always be my person. No one could ever replace you. No one could replace the late night talks. No one can take away the long road trips. No one can break our bond.
You are stuck with me.
I need you to know that despite what you may see when you look at me, I'm no longer a little girl. I'm no longer that bundle that they handed you and told you to protect.
If you lost all the qualities that I hate, would you lose the ones I love?
I’m supposed to hate you for loving a man that brought so much evil into my life.
And then one day when we're perfectly happy, my depression will come back into our lives. It will be like that unwelcome family member that visits occasionally and makes you miserable for however long they stay.
I’m a wreck that puts a pretty smile on her face and faces the world each day hoping that the past just disappears. And just when I think everything is okay, something will bring me down again.
So, stay strong, for that person. Stay amazing, for you. And stay you, for the world.
But, my heart powered through like a trained soldier ready to face anything that came its way. My heart never gave up or stopped working because it was tired. It marched on, knowing that it would be hurt again, but that I needed it to survive.
So, sometimes you have to slide a little to climb. You have to fall to fly. You have to hit the bottom to reach the top.
Yes, you continued to break me, but I was morphing into a warrior with every cracked piece. Every piece that broke off, left an armor in its place.