I Forgive You

I forgive you. 

For the days where you are so much of a mess you can't get out of bed. For the moments you forget what you're worth. For every time you've ever thought the world would be better without you in it.

I forgive you.

For running as far away as you can from every problem and pretending they don't exist. For letting everyone walk over you because you don't think you're worth fighting for. For only dealing with what you think you can handle. 

I forgive you.

For loving people that make you feel completely unlovable. For trusting people that hurt you beyond anything imaginable. For diving into everything head first and never stopping to question someone's motives.

I forgive you.

For keeping those secrets like they were something you should be ashamed of and not them. For lying to protect those that should be ashamed. For telling yourself things never happened so they would haunt you a little bit less.

I forgive you.

For choosing everyone else over me because you believe they need you more. For never stopping to think how your choices may affect me. For thinking I'll be okay and I can hold it together.

I forgive you. 

For not taking a moment to breathe and pushing through until you can't any more. For putting on that smile and lying to everyone about how okay you are. For all of the emotional breakdowns you just can't control.

I forgive you.

For all of the unrealistic expectations you set. For going over the top to make sure you never disappoint anyone. For spending every day trying to make everyone around us happy.

I forgive you.

Because whether I want to admit it or not, we aren't perfect. We let ourself down more often than not. We don't know any other way because when we were young enough to learn that loving ourself is necessary, and perfection isn't important, it wasn't being taught. 

So I forgive you, because we have to look at each other in a mirror everyday. And the only person guaranteed to stick around for the rest of my life is you. And because…

I deserve to be able to look at you without hating you for the decisions you made to try and protect me.