Dear Little Me,
You are so young and innocent when life starts dealing you rough cards. When you lose the belief in good things and people. When you learn that fairy tales aren’t true and some stories are best not spoken out loud.
Sweet girl, what was to come was never our fault. We didn’t do anything to bring it on, and unfortunately, it is going to take everything you have inside you to survive it. You’re going to cry. You’re going to scream. You’re going to beg for help from those you should be able to rely on.
Unfortunately, it won’t come until the little girl you are now is long gone. You’ll learn the hard way that people would rather turn the other cheek than face the horrors you’ll face in that house.
She will bring promises of a family. Of a happy dad and of love that you sadly already want so badly that everything else won’t matter until it’s too late. She won’t be the end of your pain, but she is where it begins for you.
Beautiful girl, she will be the hand you beg to hit you without picking up anything to use. She’ll be the mouth that will spew hate into your innocent mind and make you see yourself in a way no one should. She’ll be the mind behind every nightmare you live while you’re awake.
But he won’t be innocent. He’ll go along with it all, leaving you to defend yourself, and grow up way too quickly. He’ll be the one to turn them away when they come to help. He’ll create the lie and never blink twice.
This will be a heart breaking moment for you. I’m still asking God why it didn’t end there. Why he didn’t pull you out when he could.
You will need to create a mask of armor that they can’t break to move forward from here. I’m sure no one wants this life for you, I know I don’t, and I’m already on the other side of it. This is when you’ll need to fight like hell. The hell you’ll go through will have you waging war with yourself. You won’t give up.
Strong girl, you can’t give up. There are people that are counting on you to hold it all together. But you know that, and it’s why you make it so far. They are why you’ll make it. You’re going to take it upon yourself to free them too. You’re going to shoulder the weight of raising kids you should be growing up with. But you’re too good for this world, and they know it; and they’ll use it to crush you.
No day will be easy. Good days will come few and far between. You’re going to hang on to the last shred of hope you have until it’s no more than a thread. But there won’t be anything else to grasp on to.
Your mask is going to slip. It’s inevitable. God made you a fighter, and you haven’t mastered fighting quietly by the age of 10. You never yell anymore, but you don’t need to; words will always be our greatest weapon.
Spirited girl, fight for them. Fight for yourself. There are so many nights I wish I could warn you away from. But you hold your own through them all and that’s what matters.
There will be more than one that leaves its scar on you; mentally and physically. The other nights are full of memories you can never replace with those that leave us. The other nights are full of love that will help you have the strength you need for what’s to come.
We never find out if it was actually your face she was aiming for, or if it was an accident. Even so, she won’t apologize, and you will have taken a punch to the face from a woman three times your age and size. This will be the moment.
This is when you’ll realize that no matter how good you are, how quite you are, or how far you go to stay in line, nothing will ever change. This is the point where you’ll see the end; of either the situation or your life, you won’t be sure.
Brave girl, you’ll scream again. But it won’t be in pain, it’ll be a battle cry, and you won’t be backing down. You’ll create me, and leave me in this cry, because little you is too tired to unlearn having to always fight, and I was made from the war, and pain you live surrounded by for so long.
Little fighter, you’ll do so much to get us where we need to be. One day, when our world is at peace, I will try and untangle the knot they left you in, but for now, it’s my turn to fight.
It’s my turn to scream from the rooftops what you had to endure way too early on in life. I’m going to make people face it, no matter how uncomfortable it may make them. They’ll hear about your fight and hopefully make sure others don’t have to become little warriors.
So, rest, little me. I’ll be back for you.