She did everything she could. She tried so hard, but it was a battle she lost. She’d give every ounce of herself if she could just go back and try again.
It’s not fair. Why did this happen to her? Why wasn’t she able to succeed at doing something that should be so easy and natural?
But she didn’t. She failed and now there’s no going back. There’s no repeat button giving her another chance.
She’s lost her baby. She’s lost the baby she was given to love and protect. How could she not protect her baby?
Was she such a bad person that she didn’t deserve to have a baby? No, she knows that’s not the reason, but she can’t help but wonder. Did she do something that she shouldn’t have?
Did she not do something she should’ve? What happened to her baby? She asks this question so many times, but she never gets an answer.
She’s told that some people are just not made to have children. She’s told that she did nothing wrong. She’s told that it’s not her fault. She’s told that she needs to rest and one day she can try again.
Try again? She doesn’t want to try again. She wants her baby back…
And then her baby comes out. It’s painful and so sad, because she’s known that her baby was no longer living, but now her baby is no longer inside of her either. She has to let go now. She has to move on.
She has to come to terms with losing her baby. She has to face it or it can destroy her. She needs to pick herself up, but how? And for what?
She’s lost her only reason. She’s lost her hope. She’s lost her faith in everything good.
She’s told that her baby was never actually a baby, but how is that so? She saw her baby and it was just that. She saw the formed skin. She saw her baby.
No, her baby couldn’t open its eyes, but her baby had eyes, and arms and legs. Her baby was a baby. Her baby was a loved baby.
She’s confused and mourning for a baby that she’ll never get to meet. She cries for the person her baby could’ve been. She wants her baby.
She eventually has to learn to move on, because according to other people she didn’t lose a child. She knows what she lost, and she knows how badly she wants it back. She lost her baby.
She lost the chance to hear someone call her mommy. She lost the chance to kiss away boo-boos and have someone see her as their hero. She lost a baby but she also lost the chance to be a mommy.
She holds it together now. She can make through the day before she collapses. She gets in bed and squeezes her eyes closed and finally lets the tears come.
All she can see is her baby. She misses her baby. "Forever my baby you'll be," she whispers into the darkness knowing that no one can hear her.